Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Robert Schimmel - brother; funny, ill, pain in the ass

My brother, Robert Schimmel was in a terrible car accident. He is badly injured, but his need for a liver transplant actually exacerbates his situation...and ability to heal. The past several days have been a living horror show for Robert's family. In addition, his daughter Aliyah was also badly hurt. Neither of them were responsible for the accident, but those details are not as important as hoping for their recovery.

We all love Bob [we've known him longer] and are hoping he'll snap out of it, make a recovery and stay with us... but man, he was on our last nerve.

Things you might not know about Robert: Obviously, he's funny, he always has been. He was a musician & composer way before comedy. He is incredibly generous; to a fault...he has a penchant for gadgets [electronics & cameras] and pens [who needs so many sharpies?]...and is the condiment king [try this mustard] and foodie [thank him for the success of Bristol Farms, Whole Foods and A.J.'s]. He is gracious to almost everyone and a good friend to only a few. 

He loves his children. Parenting is not one of his skills, but unconditional love is.

Blame it on his liver, if you like - but Bob is so unorganized...bordering on hoarder behavior. This was making us crazy. He moved in with my Dad a few months ago - bringing a huge mess to an orderly house. We lost our Mother just days before, but Bob is going through a divorce and waiting for a transplant...seemed like a good idea to have him close.

He was at my house just before we went on vacation, he saw my Dick Blick catalog. He said "this must be like porn for you."

My husband & I were in North Carolina - and visited Biltmore House, where "Being There" was filmed. Peter Sellers was one of Bob's idols, and he liked this movie. The day of the accident, I tried calling him, so I sent photos of the house to him [and my brother Jeff], letting them know where we were. Here's a still from the movie... I was thinking of Bob. At the end of the movie, the main character "Chance" walks on water. My interpretation has always been Chance is so innocent, so child-like - he doesn't know he is supposed to sink. Bob is kind of like that.

the end of the movie... "Being There."

Right now, Bob is currently walking on water - or floating on love - a description a doctor made when Bob's son was at home in hospice care...almost 18 years ago.

I have no idea what Bob's chances are, or what we can expect for him. But if he makes it, I started a list of things he needs to do, and my brother Jeff added to it. Maybe you can think of more.

Things Robert Schimmel still needs to do [not necessarily in this order]: 

1. Go to Smeeks [a candy store in Phoenix]

2. Take a cruise to and/or visit Alaska

3. Go on stage and hear the laughter and applause again

4. Watch his children and grandchild[ren] grow up

5. Heal

6. Clean his room

7. Get a liver... new or used

8. Have... a little Bragg's Apple Cider Vinegar in his morning juice

9. Drive his sports car [now that it's repaired]

10. Use his keyboard

11. Perform a come-back special

12. Enjoy his life

13. Finally go to Hungary with our Dad

14. Thank everyone for their prayers

Please help me with more... I hope he can read it someday soon.

 Jeff Schimmel More things Robert Schimmel still needs to do:

(a) read the instruction manuals for all of his electronic gadgets.
(b) sell most of the same unused electronic gadgets on eBay.
(c) track down all of the teachers he terrorized over the years and... apologize to them.
(d) do a video blog for more than three days without quitting.
(e) go on Howard Stern's show without divulging embarrassing family secrets.
(f) write another book, but this time about being the recipient of a successful liver transplant.
(g) stop chewing ice.
(h) stop falling asleep while eating Creamsicles in bed.
(i) stop hitting dolls in the head with hammers.
(j) stop driving Dad crazy.
(k) get a sunburn, if that's possible.
(l) hit a Royal Flush with me on a poker machine.
(m) watch the news just once.
(n) record a new CD.
(o) finish that screenplay.
(p) start that screenplay.
(q) mop up the chocolate syrup you drip on the kitchen floor while under the influence of Ambien.
(r) make me laugh.
(s) do the fucking Letterman show.
(t) instantly make up filthy lyrics to songs on the radio.
(u) start writing in cursive.
(v) date a woman who is within a decade of your own age.
(w) sneak into another movie theater with me.
(x) imitate Granny.
(y) not let me have to be the only one who gets dragged to Mickey and Lili's house.
(z) wake up.

We love you and we're waiting for you, Bob.